P is my not so fav word

salam.

pagi ni drive belakang kereta P tetibe teringat kisah masa i amik lesen kereta *gelak sorang2 jap
oopps sorry tergelak pulak sensorang. lain kali kalau i nak gelak i ajak u'olls ok? tee hee

anyway it was back in 2007 masa i olls amik lesen kereta. sebenarnya masa tu macam nak melengah2kan masa nak amik lesen. i decided to amik jugak lesen cos one day tu my mom was driving then sekali angin dia datang. sangat sakit, i should know cos i had a few episodes myself. dah la tengah sakit then anak2 yang ada dalam kereta time tu xreti bawak kereta and takdak lesen. dengan keadaan dia yang tek berapa nak bagus time tu, terpaksa la jugak drove the car sampai klinik. and at that very moment, i promised myself untuk amik lesen kereta so that kalau terjadi another episode i can take over the car and drive her to the clinic. but of course that was the first and the last time ma had her episode masa tgh driving d'uh tak dapat la wan zailin nak berbakti pada nusa dan bangsa d'uh lagi sekali

so masa amik lesen tu, zahidi pun amik lesen jugak (27, single, ada phd y'all, sapa nak?) so tak de la mak nebes sangat dik non. anyway kami pun pergi la dengar ceramah sampai dua kali (muntah darah bosan) then amik computer test and tak sangka mak lulus, mak ingat mak ni buta komputer :)

anyway masa amik driving test tu pergi sendiri. biasa la i ni memang jenis suka pikir bukan2, so masa pergi tu memang nebes habis la, macam masa pegang tangan tok kadi nak dinikahkan dengan anak dara orang punya nebes. so first day tu pergi la dengan doa dan nebes yang memang takkan hilang. so mula sekali buat test driving, so encik jpj duduk la sebelah kami dan kami pun dengan konfiden walaupun nebes bawak la kereta tu. sampai kat simpang tetibe encik jpj kata, 'ok, turun sekarang' and i was like 'huh? what the?' punya konfius. later i found out, i tak tarik handbreak masa kat berhenti kat simpang. please la encik jpj, takyah koya sangat boleh tak?

disebabkan nebes yang tak hilang, and failed my first test, so tahap konfiden ketiak nivea pun macam dah kurang, dari 89% ke 54%. so berjalan la dengan lemah longlai lagi gemalai ke tempat 2nd test iaitu naik bukit. so when my name was being called, kami pun naik la kereta and yes, you guess it right! i failed naik bukit test.

so sementara tunggu abang driving school amik kitorg, i called babah and cried over the phone. Ya Allah, zailin. failed driving test je kot. xyah la nak koya menangis gaban sangat. it's not like Lah Ahmad tolak pinangan lu, xyah la nak rabak sangat weh!

so the week after that, i went again and alhamdulillah, lulus ujian bertulis... eh eh silap silap lulus driving test. itu pun masa u turn bukan main over lagi sampai makan jalan sebelah. then i looked at encik jpj yang ada dalam kereta tu dengan pandangan pusss in boots 2011 sambil mulut ber eh eh. dia kata, 'awak kenapa? nak lulus jalan je' so lulus la azab no 1. so sebab tahap konfiden uberman aaron aziz dah naik dari 89% ke 98%, kami pun berjalan la ke kawasan naik bukit test. masa tengah tunggu tu, ada la makcik ni dalam 50tahun++ pun nak amik driving test jugak. eh sebuk je makcik ni. so makcik ni pun masuk la kereta tu utk naik bukit setoek tu. dia start enjin pastu boleh tahan la dia ram minyak tu (tah la, main sebat je penggunaan perkataan, asalkan paham) pastu agaknya dia pun nebes macam i olls dia pun tekan la minyak sekuat2nya dan terus kereta tu meluncur ke depan macam yang dalam f1 tu, laju betul sampai kereta tu ke depan, langgar kereta yang ada kat bawah bukit tu and terbalik ke tepi. punya la panik orang ramai time tu, dorang cepat2 membantu menegakkan kereta itu kembali. pastu yang paling best, makcik tu keluar kereta, gelak tutup mulut sambil berlari sebab malu. and yes, i failed naik bukit, again.

so i came the week after that, buat test naik bukit, lulus and dapat la buat 3 point turn (itu ke nama dia?) and sebab takut fail lagi, letak cheat sheet kat seat sebelah. sambil masuk parking sambil curi2 pandang kertas takur salah buat. nasib baik encik jpj tu semua meyorok bawah bumbung sebab kepanasan so mereka pun tak nampak la cheat sheet i olls *gelak jahat

sebelum buat 3rd test, kami pun gatal2 tangan bawak kancil pusing area rumah. dah la gatal tangan, bawak mamat pulak tu dalam kereta. pastu nak u turn dah terkebil2 tepi jalan. ada la dalam 45minit pastu beranikan jugak lah diri u turn kat situ. pastu sampai rumah masuk la parking, agaknya tertekan minyak kuat terhiris la sikit bahagian depan kiri kereta sebab langgar dinding tu. sebab nebes babah dah nak balik keje, cepat2 la simpang kunci kat dalam rumah.pastu boleh pulak babah balik dia lalu sebelah kiri tu. the way he looked at me that day, will always remain in my memory. pastu dia jerit tapi tak la kuat sangat. 'sapa buat ni? zailin ke?' he never call me zailin, ever. so paham2 sendiri la yang bapak eh tengah marah time tu.
note: babah tak kasi anak2 dia bawak kereta sebelum ada lesen

so bila dah dapat lesen, paham2 je la macam kita je yang pandai bawak kereta, macam kita je la tau undang2 jalan raya. tee hee tapi sekarang dah ada anak and bawak soccer mom car so takde la nak speed macam jalan tu bapak kita yang punya!

sekian. pandu cermat jiwa selamat ye kawan2. and kalau drive balik kelantan, jangan pandang billboard 3V tu, ada ponti bertenggek kat situ, seriyes tak tipu.

kbai

to kill a mockingbird

ok, malam tadi (taktau la malam ke subuh ke sebab hari ni TERbangun lambat) mimpi:

we were walking, all four of us; abi bear, mami bear, kakak bear and adik bear. dalam mimpi ni Dell dah pandai jalan so i was holding her hand while walking. dalam mimpi ni jugak, abi bear berjalan di belakang mami bear and adik bear, xtau kenapa dia jalan kat belakang sekali tapi nama pun mimpi kan, mimpi ni ibarat candy crush time tidur hehe ok merepek. anyway, kakak bear berjalan la di depan. no wait, lemme re-phrase that. kakak bear SKIPPING di hadapan, yes you heard right. skipping, such a joy moment for every mother bila masa anaknya ada ikut perangai dia masa kecik and in my case, skipping. so she was skipping in front of us and as she skipped her way around the corner, she dissapeared. by the time kami sampai kat corner tu, dia was gone. Masya Allah. paling tak suka mimpi yang melibatkan anak, lagi2 bila mimpi macam ni.

tapi tu la, orang kata mimpi ni mainan tidur kan. so tak perlu ambil pusing sangat. tah la, sampai sekarang teringat mimpi tu. zohor kang nak doa lebih sikit untuk anak2, amin.

ok, tu je selamat beramal and selamat makan tengah hari. lapar dah ni

back and here again

HELL is how i would describe these past 4 tormenting, traumatizing days.

but,

what's past is past. kita should just focus on present day and the future. future yang masih tak pasti.

"here, put on my wedding ring, go ahead, wear my shoes, live my adventures, then judge me"





"Ya Allah, kau lindungilah aku, keluargaku, sahabat2ku dari segala sifat2 yang jahat Ya Allah. Kau berikanlah kesejahteraan, ketenangan dan kesejahteraan kepada kami Ya Allah Ya Rahman Ya Rahim. amin"

ini bukan cerita hantu

salam.

i do not know why would anyone be jealous of me? nak kata kaya, tak. nak kata pangkat tinggi kat ofis, tak. nak kata hiduo senang, tak juga. but somehow i managed to make someone jealous of me, so jealous sampai sanggup bagi i makan something yang tak baik.

11.09.2013 : woke up on Wednesday morning and rasa badan sakit2 and mual2 and sakit perut (hai berapa banyak dan laaaaa) so whatsapp bos kata on mc. sambung tidur and around 11 something Mr K kejut ajak gi klinik. went to the clinic, doc cakap food pisoning and demam. so took ubat and hope the next day baik. the rest of day xyah cita le ye :)

12.09.2013 : woke up and still sakit perut amd it doesnt get any better. whatsapp boss again and she was somewhat pissed off cos i am still on mc and the nect Monday is our major intake. went again to the doc dia cakap janga skip makan ubat and jangan makan pedas2.

13.09.2013 : woke up and still felt bad. did the same thing, whatsapp and boss replied K, so bila dh di K kannya kita, paham2 je la ye... ajak Mr K gi klinik tp dia kata doc suruh rest (which i dont remenber doc cakap) so the whole day baring je la. anak2 di uruskan oleh Mr K.

14.09.2013 : ke Kuantan for Boboy's engagement.still not feeling well tp kena pergi cos the next week before that aunty sam and uncle faridd bersusah payah trying to get us our new car out. macam tak betul ayat but no time to spell check or such. malam tu still rasa tak sihat sampai nangis2 sebab bahagian bawah mengekuarkan produksi tanpa sebarang warning. kalau tak paham bole la whatsapp utk mengetahui cerita sebenar hehe so malam tu gi klinik doc ckp gastric. makan ubat and felt a little better than before.

so sampai sekarang still rasa tak sihat. hari tu MIL ada cakap kalau still xbik dia nak bawak jumpa ustaz mus. so last week masa i anak beranak minus Mr K berkampung kt gombak, Mr K and MIL gi la jumpa ustaz mus. apparently, ada orang gave me something to makan. dont ask me how, dont ask me when i myself couldnt remember. i am a foodie so bila org hulur kotak ke, tupperware ke, plastik yg berisi makanan mmg amik je. ye la, mana la kita nak tau ada jugak 2013 ni org yg berfikiran kolot kan, rupanya ada lagi....

if you ask me, ada suspect sapa2 x, of course la ada. ye la, beliau asal dari kampung so mmg perangai pun agak kekampungan berasa diri tu bandar. tanya ustaz dia pun xnak bagi nama. dia kata kita fikir nak baik je.

ok itu je la cerita hari ni. doakan saya sembuh dan bersih dari sebarang benda kotor n kolot ni.

sekian

i am not adopted, thank you

salam. 

 so last month (masa raya la) Mr K decided to buat makan2 for his side. so we have been busy for the past two weeks prior to the makan2 as not only kena masak but we also kena kemas rumah. 

being the only girl in the family yang tak pandai masak kami pun kena la start pikiaq apa menu yang nak buat. so we came up with the list: 1. mee goreng basah Mr K 2. thousand island pasta 3. lontong 4. nasi impit 5. trifle 6. pie 7. choc cake 8. sambal for lontong 

 on the eve of the makan2, we bake the cake, rebus nasi impit, buat trifle and siapkan bahan2 utk the rest of the menu. we slept at 4am that night even jasmin -.-' 

 the next morning i woke up around 8am, started with pie, pasta and lontong. on that same day jugak lah BIL kena report for NS kat MBPJ Stadium. and boleh la pulak FIL mintak tolong Mr K bawak him, BIL and MIL ke stadium cos apparently he doesn't know the way... so pagi to without Mr K's presence i had to cook, jaga the kids at the same time and i tell u, pagi tu la pulak dahlia xnak duduk diam, nak suruh dukung bagai hmm anak anak sabar je la ye 

 Mr K balik by 10 something, almost 11 kot. so kemas2 mana yang patut by then i managed to siapkan, choc topping utk choc cake, pie, pasta and lontong atas dapur tgh masak. once dh siap Mr K start masak mee goreng basah yang akhirnya tak basah tapi lagi sedap dari mee goreng basah dia teehee :D 

 so the invitation says after zohor and right after azan zohor habis berkumandang, 1st family showed up. so rumah pun start riuh everyone came, ate and laughed. i'd say it was a success :)but if you ask me, never will i ever invite anyone for open house again. it was a tiring affairs cos by the time the last couple left our house, we baring2 kat depan jap and woke up at 9pm! tsk, even the kids pun penat and tidur. 

 but i must say, i enjoy cooking macam ni and seronok bila orang puji masakan kita. so next nak invite my side pulak for makan2, in sya Allah :) hmm nak kena start tulis menu ni

p/s: yes, i know cerita ni dah basi and September is coming to an end :)

D.E.M.O.T.I.V.A.T.E.D

salam

i am having a terrible backpain right now. it's been going on since last week. i was at surau somewhere last week, lepas sembahyang zohor terus pump susu utk Dahlia and as i was sitting i let out a heavy sigh and told Kak Yus & Has my back was killing me and they ask me the 3 most terrifying words, 'ARE YOU PREGNANT?' *pengsan

before i found out i was pregnant with Jasmin, i was having some disargument with a colleague i was working with at that time and i happened to let out my feeling to Kak Yus and she ask me the same question back then, went home and did the test and BAM! +ve bebeh!! so when she asked me the same thing ofkos la mak jemah berasa sangat nervous.

so esoknya i olls pun bought the test kit and jeng jeng jeng it was -ve. of course there was a sense of relieved as i don't think i am quite ready for another baby so soon. but today, as i am sitting at my workdesk and typing this i still have that backpain. talked to Tini just now, she was sharing her experience with one of her kids. sometimes, bila you check dia akan keluar -ve. maybe sebab time tu masih baru so kit tak dapat detect whether you are pregnant or not. but the thing is after my confinement, i had period once which was in april and i did not have any since. so kalau kira pakai jari or kalkulator, its been 3 months since i last had my period. now if you ask me, i wasn't really paying attention to that details as i tot any mom who breastfeed her baby exclusively DOES NOT GET PREGNANT. but then again, Tini who still breastfeed her 1yo daughter (not exclusively tho) and hasn't had any period for almost two years now and get this, her due date for her 5th child is this saturday 27th. so yes, she said i should freak out and check again next week since the backpain is not planning to go away anythime soon.

so should i freak out? it's been 3 months since my last period, by now i should know kan kalau i am pregnant? betul x? and the 2nd line should be visible by now. so if you ask me, i am not freaking out cos i just don't feel pregnant. but i do feel heavier tho. maybe cos i use breastfeeding as an excuse to pig out whenever i see food *peace sign

sebenarnya, this post was meant to vent out my frustration of my work hence the name demotivated but somehow dah tersimpang jauh pulak -.-'

anyway, while we are at it, i am feeling so demotivated right now. setiap hari i force myself to wake up. i would tell myself oh i have reports to do, offer letter to issue, letters to distribute and so on. i don't know, somehow working is not as thrilling as it used to. back when i was still single, i was good at what i was doing. i know what i was doing but now i just don't feel the same passion anymore. should i blame motherhood? i want to take care of my own kids. i am yearning inside to quit my job and become a stay at home mom but lets face it, with this economy, maybe kena kerja sampai 60tahun.

i was telling zara the other day, maybe we should bukak a shop or maybe buat online shop ke. i mean, sekarang ni online shop tumbuh bak cendawan and it looks damn promising. tah la, maybe i merapu too much cos of the backpain.

ok itu je la, kbai

life is always greener on the other side

i love when others think they can have the final say when it comes to my daughters, it's like; if they didn't come out from your vajayjay, you don't get to decide for them. i appreciate the advices tho *finger gun, double click sound