i've had better days than this.... *snoozeface

salam.

so it's official. 10 Dec 2014 is definitely not my day. eventho it has only been half a day, i strongly believe nothing that will happen from now until 12 midnite that will change my mood. well, maybe if Lah ask me our for some chatime hmmm a girl could dream kan?

it started like any other day. i woke up. mandi. amik air segelas, makan ubat. roll deodorant kat ketiak. tepek air tawas kat muka. gosok baju, then put them on. kejutkan anak2...oh wait, pagi ni Jasmin woke up by herself xpayah kejut. kejutkan si montel yang langsung taknak bekerjasama bangun je bila orang kejut. sent them off to MIL's then off to Klinik Desa Merbau Sempak sebab ada appt (yang ni tak termasuk dalam rutin harian)

arrived at the clinic at 8.45am, dah amik nombor so tunggu la giliran. what do you know, by 11 freaking a.m baru nombor aku timbul! dah la klinik desa tak bagi MC slip, cuma bagi timeslip. dapat pulak aku ni keje kat company yang cuma terima 2 jam timeslip. so kira la berapa lama aku duduk kat kerusi yang sama sementara tunggu nombor aku dipanggil. WHAT . THE . FUCK. nak tau sistem klinik ni berfungsi macam mana hari ni? meh akak cerita step by step. memula dia akan kumpul buku dalam bakul yang disediakan then dia akan amik buku yang bawah sekali (means orang tu sampai dulu. xpe standard practice. memang la itu tujuan numbering system kan. sapa cepat dia dulu) then dia akan cari buku merah 2. lepas dah cari buku merah 2 (buku merah ada 2, 1 patient simpan 1 lagi klinik simpan) dia akan panggil nama or nombor kita then dia akan check BP. lepas check BP dia suruh kita kencing dalam botol. lepas tu dia akan amik darah kita, nak check HB dalam darah. lepas dah check dia ajak masuk bilik rawatan, dia akan check jantung baby and also dia ukur perut kita. lepas tu dia akan note down dalam buku merah pastu dia kata, 'ok, tunggu kat luar jap lagi kena jumpa doktor' so bayangkan nurse ada 3, patient ada berpuluh and dia akan ulang proses tu sampai la pukul 11 bila nama Wan Zailin di panggil. kakak nurses, kalau macam ni memang la sampai pukul 5 belum tentu habis. kata nurse kat malaysia ni dah berlambak. so kenapa kat klinik ni nurse xcukup? ok fine la, aku dengan berat hati terpaksa la whatsapp boss cakap, 'sorry. there's no way i can finish this all in 2 hours. guess i'm just gonna have to take half day unpaid leave' to which my boss replied, 'yes, guess so' ok settled bab tu. lepas dah go thru process di atas sampai la kena jumpa doktor. bila masuk tetiba doktor kata, 'Puan, siapa yang review BSP reading you? klinik sini ke O&G, HSB?' 'well, docs at O&G, HSB sebab check up kat sana all this while' according to her, my morning BSP reading should be below 5.3, not more and in my book my morning BSP reading are above 5.3. then she said, 'i have to refer you to emergency wad bersalin so they can take it from there' masa tu muka aku mmg dah tak boleh blah dah. 1st of all, all the docs kat O&G, HSB are supposedly DOKTOR PAKAR. as DOKTOR PAKAR, everytime i came for my follow up, when you go thru my BSP reading shouldnt you have said something there and then? 'eh, Puan. morning BSP reading you tinggi la. i xkan tahan you di wad but i hope your next follow up, reading you akan turun. sebab untuk ibu mengandung, morning BSP reading kena kurang dari 5.3' there, how hard was that? kalau one of you supposedly DOKTOR PAKAR have said this to me earlier, dont you think i would have a better control of my diet so my morning BSP reading will be less than 5.3? anyway one of you supposedly DOKTOR PAKAR which i remember vividly, the same doctor who admit me for my thyroid is the one who advised and wrote in my buku merah morning BSP reading should be below 5.6. so sapa yang spent 5 years or more studying meds so she can give me wrong instruction. ok back to doktor kat klinik desa ni, she said sorry no choice i have to write you a RL. i was already holding back my anger, frustation and most importanly my tears as i said to her, 'so i'm supposed to go after this?' to whuch she replied, 'yes' i let out a heavy sigh and said, 'i have a job you know, which i'm already late to.and i very much like to keep my job. you dont understand.' to which she repeat the same thing, 'im sorry, but this is more important' then i started bargaining with her. i asked if it's ok if i go after work. she was reluctant i can tell, but she said as long as i go then should be ok. so i asked her what's gonna happen there; will they admit me again? somehow she doesnt have the answer to that *eyes rolling furiously so i took my book and the RL and said thank you eventho i didnt mean it. i wanted to scream offensive words to her but then again my momma tot me better than that. as i walked away, i took out my handphone and dialed Mr K's number. of course he doesnt answer his damn phone. one of this day, Mr K if something real bad happen to me and you dont answer you g'damn phone, i will hunt you down like how maya karin did in puntianak harum sundal malam. in another word, i will make it hell for you and make you regret not asnwering the damn phone! urgh, there i said it, so i called the one person who is always there for me, my mom. but then after few rings, i hung up. i didnt want to burden her with my problem. so i start the engine and drove while shouting some offensive words to all supposedly DOKTOR PAKAR who is making my life as hell right now. then mom called. i told her what happened and she told me to go to the hospital as instructed. only she can make me do things i dont want to but of course i didnt go. why should i kan? you doctors should sort your things out, not me. all this while tak cakap pape so why now?

so dah habis cerita menangis dalam kereta and dah betul2 depan segi ni. ada student tgh nak melintas jalan. sebab aku ni mmg anak bapak and seorang yang mengikut peraturan jalan raya, so aku oun slow down and stop in front of the zebra crossing utk bagi laluan pada student yang nak jalan tu la. then tetiba lori bodoh kat belakang aku hon kuat2. i was like what the hell? zebra crossing kot. pastu dia tak puas hati jugak dia hon lagi. dah la aku ni tgh bengang tetiba fucker ni hon xhabis2. tapi xpe dia bukan orang berpelajaran nak2 bangsa kau ni memang xde adab di jalan raya so aku pun buat xtau la.

so there you go. itu pagi je, donno what other interesting things might happen today. and yes, i still havent decide whether i want to go to the hospital or not. Jasmin did asked me to stay at home today. maybe i should have just said yes, sigh.

tq for reading this entry. i just tot since i am not planning to answer anyone's call or sms / whatsapp today, you could just read about it in my blog.

kbai.

Jasmin oh Jasmin

salam.

so yesterday after a very tiring saturday, we got up quite late dalam pukul 10 lebih. Jasmin was the first to bangun *suprise suprise selalu dia yang paling last bangun tapi semalam agaknya dah lapar dia bangun kejutkan Mr K ajak gi beli breakfast. me pulak, bangun je tetibe mood mengemas datang pulak so bangun terus start membasuh baju yang dah... i dont know, say 7 minggu tak berbasuh 😩 lagipun Dahlia was not up yet so Jasmin & Mr K je la yang ke kedai naik scooter. sambil2 baju tengah spin dalam mesin tu, bukak la bonet kereta nak kemas stroller *baru *ehem ehem and nak vakum kereta. pastu tetiba dorang balik pulak. aik, cepat pulak roti canai siap

rupanya otw ke kedai Jasmin tetibe jerit atas motor 'mata kakak! mata kakak!' so Mr K pun berhenti la kat tepi jalan ingat kan mata masuk ulat ke apa. bila berhenti tepi tengok2 kat kening dia ada sengat alahai kesiannya anak mami ni so Mr K pun patah balik

but suprisingly, she wasnt even crying when they got home. nad she was her usual miss lil chatty telling us how it happened.

semalam takde bengkak sangat pun. and  so this morning....

ala kesiannya anak mami ni... 😩 so sebab rasa bersalah & sedih sangat i let her have chocs so early in the morning

insert : lagu balik kampung by sudirman

salam.

ok, raya tinggal berapa hari je lagi kan? baju raya dh beli? kuih raya dh cukup? haa langsir raya dh pasang? courts mammoth tgh ada sale beli kemudian bayar, xberminat ke?

ok la kalau xberminat xpe, xde unsur paksaan kat sini. I ols ok je u ols

ok la sebab nak raya ni kan so nak cerita la pasal kampung sebab raya kan sinonim ngan kampung, kalau xde kampung xde la raya... kata ko

so everytime someone ask me kampung kat mana? balik kampung sapa tahun ni? jawapan untuk soalan di atas; 1. xde kampung 2. xde kampung

I know orang lain semua xsabar nak beraya kat kampung but i can honestly say, no i am saying this with pride, i am freaking glad i dont have kampung. why, one might wonder? ok cerita ni mmg bermula dari zaman saya kecik lagi. kitorg kan dari kecik memang perantauan, setiap kali raya balik Gombak / Alor Setar so dari kecik memang dah dibesarkan dengan perkataan travel, journey dan yg seangkatan dengan nya so bila dah besar ni memang sebut balik kampung je dah rasa nak muntah.

so yes, if you ask me, memang x terkilan pun raya kat KL je, i memang prefer beraya di sini. lagipun maktok memang dah forever kat gombak, tok ajah pulak dah memang di subang jaya and my parents and my inlaws pun memang kat sini so memang bergaya sakan la kami kat tol ldp nanti.

but but, please dont get me wrong. I am not dissing you because you are someone who's willing to stuck in a jam for 9 hours just to reach your kampung, bagus la ada kampung, good for you. tapi as for me, i am glad i dont have kampung anymore. I was born here. and i am proud to call KL my kampung :)

selamat hari raya and pandu dengan selamat.

kbai.

#prayforgaza

salam.

if you are reading this, please take a moment of your time to pray for our brothers and sisters in Gaza.

may Allah gives them enough strength to face such struggle time.

#prayforgaza

what's up thyroid?

salam.

was on the phone with eldest sistah yesterday, and i told her was not having bad headached yesterday, so she asked me to google for natural remedy on how to combat thyroid. sorry, lemme rephrase that. she asked me to do it weeks ago but i kinda forgot. i mean can you blame the girl when FB & instagram are damn attaractive? hehe so i did today and found this good reading :

http://www.naturalnews.com/031642_hyperthyroidism_hormones.html#

(NaturalNews) When the thyroid gland goes out of whack and begins secreting large amounts of thyroid hormones, this condition is called hyperthyroidism. This condition is classified by increased heart rate, loss of weight, excessive sweating, anxiety & agitation, weight loss, fatigue, tremor, & increased bowel movements. Fortunately, we are beginning to understand this condition better and how to treat it naturally to restore balance and harmony back to the body.

The most common causes for hyperthyroidism are a chronically inflamed thyroid (thyroiditis) and an autoimmune condition called Graves Disease. Both inflammatory and auto-immune disorders are caused by an over-active and under-coordinated immune system. Several key factors such as intestinal dysbiosis, common food & environmental allergens, nutritional habits, vitamin D levels, & heavy metal toxicity must be addressed with any inflammatory and auto-immune disorder.

Dysbiosis is an overpopulation of antagonistic organisms in the gut that damage the intestinal wall allowing food particles to easily pass over and end up in the bloodstream. When undigested food particles are recognized by the immune system and tagged as foreign invaders in the body, the immune system then unleashes an assault of inflammation causing a systemic allergic reaction.

The most common food allergens to avoid include gluten containing grains such as wheat, barley, rye, oats, kamut, & spelt. Soy products, different nuts, eggs, and heavy proteins are often not tolerated well. Obviously all processed and man-made foods need to be avoided at all costs. Other common allergens include those of the nightshade family such as eggplant, tomatoes, & onions. Anyone with auto-immune reactions or excessive inflammation should get tested for food allergies or try an elimination diet to see if the conditions improve.

An anti-inflammatory diet and lifestyle are critical for full recovery from these conditions. Anti-inflammatory foods help to modulate the immune system giving it a more accurate pair of eyes so as to not over-inflame when stimulated. To effectively de-inflame, it is key to completely avoid man-made foods, sugars, and food allergens as listed above. The long chain omega 3 fatty acids EPA and DHA powerfully de-inflame the body by restoring natural balance to the lipid wall of the cell membrane.

Other great anti-inflammatory foods include coconut products, berries, and non-denatured, whey protein from grass-fed cows and goats. This protein source is also loaded with L-glutamine and enhances cellular glutathione stores which are both necessary for rebuilding the gut and de-inflaming the body. Anti-inflammatory herbs such as turmeric, ginger, cinnamon, rosemary, & oregano among others should be used as much as possible.

Certain foods such as cruciferous vegetables like broccoli, cabbage, & kale among others contain goitrogens in their raw state. Goitrogens block thyroid hormone production and thus help to slow down the thyroid. Therefore anyone suffering from hyperthyroidism would benefit greatly from eating raw cruciferous veggies.

Vitamin D deficiencies are a common day epidemic. Vitamin D helps coordinate the immune response by allowing the body to recognize between foreign and self proteins. This reduces inflammation and auto-immune reactions. A healthy range for vitamin D3 (25-hydroxy cholcalciferol) is between 60-100 ng/ml which is much higher than the medically acceptable 32 ng/ml. Be sure to know your levels and get them over 60 ng/ml. Spend 20-30 minutes a day in the sun or supplement with 10,000-50,000 IU of high quality emulsified vitamin D3 for a period of time until you reach the desired levels.

Other factors that dramatically affect the immune system and thyroid gland include environmental toxicity. This could be in the form of heavy metals, overexposure to pesticides, herbicides, household molds, personal hygiene products, household cleaning agents, tap water, non-stick coated pans, and others.

http://www.nationalnutrition.ca/healthconcer...
http://www.naturalnews.com/030475_inflammato...
http://www.endocrineweb.com/conditions/hyper...
http://home-remedies-guide.blogspot.com/2010...

(About the author)

Dr. David Jockers owns and operates Exodus Health Center in Kennesaw, Ga. He is a Maximized Living doctor. His expertise is in weight loss, customized nutrition & exercise, & structural corrective chiropractic care. For more information go to www.exodushc.com To find a Maximized Living doctor near you go to www.maximizedliving.com 

Learn more: http://www.naturalnews.com/031642_hyperthyroidism_hormones.html##ixzz31wHnEy00

(hashtag) homesick

salam.

so yday after work, went straight to mil's (everyday routine) konon after dinner with mil nak mandi la. masuk bilik shima nak tukar baju and all pastu baring2 la jap. agaknya penat sangat sampai tak sedar tertidur dalam bilik tu. pintu pulak dikunci hai la zailin (.,.')

i had the most wonderful dream last nite; balik gombak and parents were happy to see me, ma masak my fav dish, talked, laughing alahai mimpi kenapa jahat sangat ni? bila sedar terduduk jap, guess i miss my family so much sampai termimpi :'( nak balik tak boleh, cannot bring myself to it. ye la, orang lain punya hal, punya masalah sampai aku nak balik rumah mak sendiri pun malu.

anyway semalam terjaga, bukak pintu and was suprised lampu dah tutup. oh rupanya dah 1.55am. everyone asleep, so i laid next to Dahlia and sambung tidur.

apparently, sil & husband came by the house. everyone bang on the door, tapi si zailin tidur mati.

i miss my family :'(

kbai, nak sambung nangis.

oh my malay!

salam.

so. Im the kind of mother yang will annoy her kids every single minutes of their lives. like for instant, i constantly reminding Jasmin that i endured 43 hours to get her out to this world. yup, she's gonna be three in less than a month and already i am giving her a hard time :) sorry, baby girl

i love my girls soooo much that i do not wish to have a heart attack when i browse thru my fb and see Jasmin or Dahlia like this. im sorry, but this is just to much of a heartache. 

so always remember girls, i annoy you because i love you, as simple as that.

kbai.

sorry seems to be the hardest word

sorry, i am done keeping my mouth shut.

sorry, i am done trying to please everyone.

sorry, i am done being that girl yang need everyone's approval.

sorry, i am done feeling sorry for myself.

sorry, i am done crying myself to sleep.

sorry, i am done hiding things from my family.

sorry, i am done being stupid.

sorry, i am done with love.

sorry, i am done.

i am done.

done.

#liladahlia

salam.

so Dahlia has turned 1 last month. promised myself i would celebrate her birthday in the same manner as her sister's 1yo birthday celebration (read: a party) tapi tapi tapi.... cerita sedih is coming so brace yourself minggu tu kebetulan ada wedding kat johor so inlaws semua not available that weekend.

so decided to postponed her birthday party. and today is already 12 March. barvo parents! tak tau kenapa after postponing the party takde follow up. at least. buat la makan2 aje. apa la kau ni zailin. kesian Dahlia. nanti besar mesti dia ungkit kenapa kakak ada party tapi dia takde. haha trust me, dia akan ungkit. cos me and the rest of the siblings are always questioning ma and bah kenapa kakak ada party tapi anak2 after her takde. we crazy liddat, thats why :)

anyway, maybe we will still do tapi celebrate sekali ngan kakak Jasmin kot. which reminds me, i havent bought anything for MIL's birthday. oo utk MIL sibuk nak belikan hadiah, mak sendiri tak pernah belikan pape, u might say? well, in my defense, what can you buy for someone who have everything? kan? kan?

and oh, on a totally unrelated matter, i so so want to buy that #ariannarose inner (motif kau hashtag kat sini??) so Mr K's relative sorang ni bagi la link. oh, rupanya sugarscarf ni official sponsor tudung utk that tele series. tapi habaq mai, homaiged mahalnya gedabak! seketul is $55.40. tapi dah diskayn dah sekarang, $49.50 haha tambah postage $7. ok la nampaknya ke shah alam la kita dari bayar postage hehe

kbai.

Confessions Part I

salam.


26 Dec 2013 : did my 1st test. yeap, 2nd line visible though vague. congrats zailin :)
2 Jan 2014 : did my 2nd test, just to confirm. yeap, not so vague as the 1st time. congrats zailin. 

once a year? so mama :) *WEML*

3 Feb 2014 : celebrated bday mini me 2.0. wah Dedek dah besar la :) went out to buy stuffs to make cake. came back and went to toliet. i had stains. 
4 Feb 2014 : went to work and went to klinik with Kak Yus to check. Doc scan and said my uterus is empty *whaatt?? did urine test and yes, im pregnant. she said the dreaded word, maybe you mengandung luar rahim *whaatt?? gave RL and asked me to go and get it check by today.
after work came back, around 8-ish left mak's and went to KKSB dulu. doc cakap something abortion and kalau xnak cuci, tunggu 2 minggu and janin akan gugur sendiri. she didn't even touch me nor look at me.*whaatt?? i know so Mr K dropped me kat Dewan Bersalin HSB andd left to send the girls kat rumah mak. so i checked in, isi borang after borang and waited. around 10 doc called my name and she did the scan. not before she asked me umur Dahlia and i told her she just turned 1 yesterday and Doc gave me her version of death stare. so i smiloed and said, 'i know i know' to which she replied, 'haa so you know why i gave you that look' so tgh scan doc cakap tu ada kantung, ada janin dalam tu. so i was a bit relieved and relax after that knowing that some doc in poliklinik gomez is getting a kick where it hurts most! anyway, doc nak scan lagi and she wants me to empty my pundi kencing. i did and came back and we did another scan. this time bukan kat perut tp sesuatu di masukkan ke bawah *whaatt? gross kan. dont worry Doc tu letak condom dulu kat than scan thingy before she inserted it in *cricket sound she looked kat scan tu lama sangat. i was beginning to feel worry when she turned the monitor towards me and said, 'ok kantung ada, janin pun ada dalam kantung but there's no heartbeat' *glass shattering

Ya Allah, gugur jantung when Doc said that. she told me to come back in two weeks time and they will advise me then. dont ask me if i'm sad or frustated cos i pun xtau nak rasa apa. maybe cos baby still small so xterasa sangat kot. but but but nonetheless still sedih :(

i dont know what went wrong. i dont want to know. i dont know what to think right now.

but my mom is very supportive, so is my eldest sister who's fighting her won battle right now. and my support group (you girls la sapa lagi! :)) are just amazing and very supportive. that's about it la.

what's your excuse?

salam.

some of you might think i created this blog as a place to vent out my anger, frustration and a place for me to complain, complain and more complain. well yes, that was how i first started this blog. i had so much anger in me ( i still do) i need a place to just go, be myself and talk crap for hours and not caring a thing of what people said.

well, now that i am older ehem and wiser double ehem, i decided this blog to be a place to reminds me of wonderful things in life. don't get me wrong, i will still vent out my frustrations here, but i will try to reduce it as much ok, i promise you this.

anyway, i have been following Maria Kang for a while on FB, tho her fitness is somehow an inspiration to me, but i also came across this photo on FB:

that's Maria Kang on the left. yes, its amazing to have three kids and that hot bods to brag around. but somehow, it was probably her good genes that was helping keep her in shape. don't get me wrong, it think she kicks ass! but at the same time, most of us are the one on the right. 

over time, we women tends to let go of ourselves. to us, ala apa nak kisah, im married with kids. im save for life. my husband will not cheat on me. i took care of his food, his clothes, managed the kids by my own, i even managed to double his income even tho i'm a SAHM. that's short for stay at home mom, fyi.

anyway, for my case, as long as my husband is ok with my appearances, i shall remain me. we do talk a lot about this, this may surprise some of you. we talk about this as much as we fight :)

but but, it is important to stay in shape and be healthy. as long as you think a bit chubby is healthy then you are doing just fine. always love your body and maintain a good health. cos you want to be old, watch your kids leaving the nest, leave a mark on this world, settle down and reproduce. i know i want this.

but for now, mini me & 2.0 can just stop growing so fast!! i want my babies to stay just the way they are right now T_T ok dah habis meroyan

kbai.

hi-5

salam.

so Dahlia's birthday is coming up, its on the 3 of february 2014 where she will turn the big 1 *insert bunyi mercun and marching song and yes, you are welcome *sinis

anyway, since her birthday falls on Monday, decided to celebrate a day early which is 2feb Sunday. i just found out last week that the whole (maybe half, i dont know) sharifahs and syeds are travelling south this CNY

T_T why oh why? hehe sorry emo sikit, jangan marah naa

anyway, theres a wedding there and everyone i know is going so the birthday party has taken a turn for the worst cos i no longer feels the need to celebrate big. by big i mean with everyone we know. but since i gave Jasmin (well, we gave) her 1st bday party, it is only fair for Dahlia to have the same celebration...no?

anyway, the next nearest date is 8th feb which i might be working, thanks boss *insert thumbs up

we'll see how, but definitely not everyone is invited. only family and close friends. maybe only family. maybe with close friends. maybe no party. oh, i dont know.