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salam.
26 Dec 2013 : did my 1st test. yeap, 2nd line visible though vague. congrats zailin :)
2 Jan 2014 : did my 2nd test, just to confirm. yeap, not so vague as the 1st time. congrats zailin.
once a year? so mama :) *WEML*
3 Feb 2014 : celebrated bday mini me 2.0. wah Dedek dah besar la :) went out to buy stuffs to make cake. came back and went to toliet. i had stains.
4 Feb 2014 : went to work and went to klinik with Kak Yus to check. Doc scan and said my uterus is empty *whaatt?? did urine test and yes, im pregnant. she said the dreaded word, maybe you mengandung luar rahim *whaatt?? gave RL and asked me to go and get it check by today.
after work came back, around 8-ish left mak's and went to KKSB dulu. doc cakap something abortion and kalau xnak cuci, tunggu 2 minggu and janin akan gugur sendiri. she didn't even touch me nor look at me.*whaatt?? i know so Mr K dropped me kat Dewan Bersalin HSB andd left to send the girls kat rumah mak. so i checked in, isi borang after borang and waited. around 10 doc called my name and she did the scan. not before she asked me umur Dahlia and i told her she just turned 1 yesterday and Doc gave me her version of death stare. so i smiloed and said, 'i know i know' to which she replied, 'haa so you know why i gave you that look' so tgh scan doc cakap tu ada kantung, ada janin dalam tu. so i was a bit relieved and relax after that knowing that some doc in poliklinik gomez is getting a kick where it hurts most! anyway, doc nak scan lagi and she wants me to empty my pundi kencing. i did and came back and we did another scan. this time bukan kat perut tp sesuatu di masukkan ke bawah *whaatt? gross kan. dont worry Doc tu letak condom dulu kat than scan thingy before she inserted it in *cricket sound she looked kat scan tu lama sangat. i was beginning to feel worry when she turned the monitor towards me and said, 'ok kantung ada, janin pun ada dalam kantung but there's no heartbeat' *glass shattering
Ya Allah, gugur jantung when Doc said that. she told me to come back in two weeks time and they will advise me then. dont ask me if i'm sad or frustated cos i pun xtau nak rasa apa. maybe cos baby still small so xterasa sangat kot. but but but nonetheless still sedih :(
i dont know what went wrong. i dont want to know. i dont know what to think right now.
but my mom is very supportive, so is my eldest sister who's fighting her won battle right now. and my support group (you girls la sapa lagi! :)) are just amazing and very supportive. that's about it la.
salam.
some of you might think i created this blog as a place to vent out my anger, frustration and a place for me to complain, complain and more complain. well yes, that was how i first started this blog. i had so much anger in me ( i still do) i need a place to just go, be myself and talk crap for hours and not caring a thing of what people said.
well, now that i am older ehem and wiser double ehem, i decided this blog to be a place to reminds me of wonderful things in life. don't get me wrong, i will still vent out my frustrations here, but i will try to reduce it as much ok, i promise you this.
anyway, i have been following Maria Kang for a while on FB, tho her fitness is somehow an inspiration to me, but i also came across this photo on FB:
that's Maria Kang on the left. yes, its amazing to have three kids and that hot bods to brag around. but somehow, it was probably her good genes that was helping keep her in shape. don't get me wrong, it think she kicks ass! but at the same time, most of us are the one on the right.
over time, we women tends to let go of ourselves. to us, ala apa nak kisah, im married with kids. im save for life. my husband will not cheat on me. i took care of his food, his clothes, managed the kids by my own, i even managed to double his income even tho i'm a SAHM. that's short for stay at home mom, fyi.
anyway, for my case, as long as my husband is ok with my appearances, i shall remain me. we do talk a lot about this, this may surprise some of you. we talk about this as much as we fight :)
but but, it is important to stay in shape and be healthy. as long as you think a bit chubby is healthy then you are doing just fine. always love your body and maintain a good health. cos you want to be old, watch your kids leaving the nest, leave a mark on this world, settle down and reproduce. i know i want this.
but for now, mini me & 2.0 can just stop growing so fast!! i want my babies to stay just the way they are right now T_T ok dah habis meroyan
kbai.
salam.
so Dahlia's birthday is coming up, its on the 3 of february 2014 where she will turn the big 1 *insert bunyi mercun and marching song and yes, you are welcome *sinis
anyway, since her birthday falls on Monday, decided to celebrate a day early which is 2feb Sunday. i just found out last week that the whole (maybe half, i dont know) sharifahs and syeds are travelling south this CNY
T_T why oh why? hehe sorry emo sikit, jangan marah naa
anyway, theres a wedding there and everyone i know is going so the birthday party has taken a turn for the worst cos i no longer feels the need to celebrate big. by big i mean with everyone we know. but since i gave Jasmin (well, we gave) her 1st bday party, it is only fair for Dahlia to have the same celebration...no?
anyway, the next nearest date is 8th feb which i might be working, thanks boss *insert thumbs up
we'll see how, but definitely not everyone is invited. only family and close friends. maybe only family. maybe with close friends. maybe no party. oh, i dont know.
salam.
ok, you have one good news to share. you try to hide it.you're terrible at keeping secrets. it's not yet confirmed but it's confirmed nonetheless. you want to tell the world about it. but you can't. cos if you do, you'll break some hearts and maybe yours along the way, cos we don't know how people would react...
what do you do? would you break those hearts?
salam.
i love being pregnant. i also love the idea of getting pregnant again. aah the special treatment, the attention.
there's no downside here :) maybe gestational diabetic, the high BP are stuff that is holding you back from having that 'glowing' pregnancy.
anyway, there's a lot of Do and DONTS in pregnancy. i google alot about pregnancy. kadang2 orang kata, la anak dah 15 xkan by now xtau lagi how to deal with this or that? dude, anak kalau 15 pun kadang2 xbetul jugak. sebab tu org kata banyak membaca luas pemandangan :)
anyway, if i ever get pregnant anytime soon, i'd eat a lot of seafood this time around. an acquaintance who gave birth somewhere around the birth of Dell, she did that. the moment she found out she's pregnant, dia makan seafood, seafood and more seafood. and alhamdulillah, she got her a boy :) dah sepasang.
i also read, 2 to 3 months before you decided to get pregnant, you should eat benda2 masam. macam ketiak Jasmin & Dahlia haha ketiak dorg xmasam ok :D so tips nak dapat baby boy: lotsa seafod (sampai muntah pun xpe), makan berasid & kurangkan minuman manis (yang ni susah sikit hehe) so in sya Allah kalau niat tu betul Allah permudahkan.
yang penting dalam jalan cerita ni, i already have names for my future kids. tunggu kaya sikit baru bole dapat enam anak. i came from a big family, you shouldn't expect anything less. ramai anak seems rational hehe
anyway, ni semua perancangan, Allah yang tentukan. kalau kata pregnant with another girl pun, alhamdulillah (try harder for boy pulak) kalau dapat boy kira bonus hehe
ok, xde pape pun post ni. kalau ada berita gembira, i will share here. kalau xde berita gembira, keep coming for my merapuness.
kbai.
salam.
so 2013 is coming to an end. dulu sebelum bermulanya tahun baru mesti nak buat azam tahun baru kata kau. tapi tu la, tak pernah nya berjaya menyelesaikan azam tahun baru.
pernah sekali, azam tahun baru nak kahwin dengan Jude Law, time tu sbb tengok cerita The Holiday kot nama movie tu yang ada Miss Cammy tu. Miss Cammy tu sapa? Cameron Diaz la. kalau bespren mesti la ada nama manja kan? hehe perasaan sungguh.
so time tu rasa JL la yang paling hensem, ganteng, kacak gedebak gedebuk. memang xde sapa pun bole celen kehenseman JL. kalau dia senyum, hai la, terus cair aiskrim magnum coklat & starwberry bagai di makan di bawah terik panas hari sabtu gittew.
haa, kan dah kata. walaupun JL senyum cam perantin puang time nak dinikahkan and tok kadi tanya, 'hok puang setuju ko? kalau xmboh beri ke ambe je la' tapi tetap terserlah kecomelan senyuman itu. lagi mengegarkan jantung, bang Harun Ajis pun xleh celen hokeh Zer!!
ok, sebenarnya itu bukan tujuan cerpen ini disebarkan. azam tahun baru Zailin, fokus fokus. ok, sekarnga ni dah kahwin and ada anak dah malas dah nak buat azam secara terbuka. tapi sebenarnya masih buat juga, cuma dalam hati. azam setiap tahun skrg ni cuma nak tahun baru ni kaya lebih dari tahun sebelumnnya. amin.
mana la tau, no ekor hari tu kena and pakcik menang motor. hehe ok, tipu. xmain no ekor, main ekor Chum je. Chum tu sapa? alahai banyaknya soalan, baca diam2 xbole ke? hehe Chum itu adalah seekor iguana hijau. nama sumbangan mini me :)
kbai.
salam.
apprently sejak kahwin, i have become more malay melayu. tak tau apa tu? well, malay melayu means, melayu yang dah jumpa jalan pulang. ok, tujuan cerita ni mengenai lagu je, bab lain i'm 100% sure that im a malay melayu.
for the longest time, i didnt keep track of current malay songs, ada radio dalam kereta but selalu dengar hitz.fm je. and Mr K is a malay melayu. dia dengar era fm or sinar fm or hot fm. jarang tukar frekuensi ke hitz.fm dan sebagainya. and sejak kahwin, i became a lazy person, i prefer not to drive. so Mr K la yang selalu kena drive.
i dont really have rules when it comes to boarding my car, cos most of the time its super messy and tak berbasuh sejak sekian lamanya. tapi 1, kalau i'm driving i get to choose what channel i want to listen to. i hate hate hate orang yang tak drive tapi tangan gatal tukar channel tu, pantang pantang ok (double pantang just to show how much i hate that). so sebab dah jadi pemalas and paksa Mr K utk drive all the time, i let him listen to his fav radio channel which is era fm. so bermula lah journey ku kembali ke jalan melayu. so skrg ni mmg jarang tukar channel even when i'm driving. dengar lagu melayu je sampai my sisters pun pelik. sometimes i miss listening to hitz.fm but everytime tukar channel mesti lagu tahpape. i know realised hitz.fm main lagu tahpape, lebih baik dengar mix fm.
ok, post ni merapu. im sorry that i rob 3 minutes of your life to read this. i promise not to do it again. i also promise to keep the promise that i promised just now.
kbai
