to kill a mockingbird

ok, malam tadi (taktau la malam ke subuh ke sebab hari ni TERbangun lambat) mimpi:

we were walking, all four of us; abi bear, mami bear, kakak bear and adik bear. dalam mimpi ni Dell dah pandai jalan so i was holding her hand while walking. dalam mimpi ni jugak, abi bear berjalan di belakang mami bear and adik bear, xtau kenapa dia jalan kat belakang sekali tapi nama pun mimpi kan, mimpi ni ibarat candy crush time tidur hehe ok merepek. anyway, kakak bear berjalan la di depan. no wait, lemme re-phrase that. kakak bear SKIPPING di hadapan, yes you heard right. skipping, such a joy moment for every mother bila masa anaknya ada ikut perangai dia masa kecik and in my case, skipping. so she was skipping in front of us and as she skipped her way around the corner, she dissapeared. by the time kami sampai kat corner tu, dia was gone. Masya Allah. paling tak suka mimpi yang melibatkan anak, lagi2 bila mimpi macam ni.

tapi tu la, orang kata mimpi ni mainan tidur kan. so tak perlu ambil pusing sangat. tah la, sampai sekarang teringat mimpi tu. zohor kang nak doa lebih sikit untuk anak2, amin.

ok, tu je selamat beramal and selamat makan tengah hari. lapar dah ni

back and here again

HELL is how i would describe these past 4 tormenting, traumatizing days.

but,

what's past is past. kita should just focus on present day and the future. future yang masih tak pasti.

"here, put on my wedding ring, go ahead, wear my shoes, live my adventures, then judge me"





"Ya Allah, kau lindungilah aku, keluargaku, sahabat2ku dari segala sifat2 yang jahat Ya Allah. Kau berikanlah kesejahteraan, ketenangan dan kesejahteraan kepada kami Ya Allah Ya Rahman Ya Rahim. amin"

ini bukan cerita hantu

salam.

i do not know why would anyone be jealous of me? nak kata kaya, tak. nak kata pangkat tinggi kat ofis, tak. nak kata hiduo senang, tak juga. but somehow i managed to make someone jealous of me, so jealous sampai sanggup bagi i makan something yang tak baik.

11.09.2013 : woke up on Wednesday morning and rasa badan sakit2 and mual2 and sakit perut (hai berapa banyak dan laaaaa) so whatsapp bos kata on mc. sambung tidur and around 11 something Mr K kejut ajak gi klinik. went to the clinic, doc cakap food pisoning and demam. so took ubat and hope the next day baik. the rest of day xyah cita le ye :)

12.09.2013 : woke up and still sakit perut amd it doesnt get any better. whatsapp boss again and she was somewhat pissed off cos i am still on mc and the nect Monday is our major intake. went again to the doc dia cakap janga skip makan ubat and jangan makan pedas2.

13.09.2013 : woke up and still felt bad. did the same thing, whatsapp and boss replied K, so bila dh di K kannya kita, paham2 je la ye... ajak Mr K gi klinik tp dia kata doc suruh rest (which i dont remenber doc cakap) so the whole day baring je la. anak2 di uruskan oleh Mr K.

14.09.2013 : ke Kuantan for Boboy's engagement.still not feeling well tp kena pergi cos the next week before that aunty sam and uncle faridd bersusah payah trying to get us our new car out. macam tak betul ayat but no time to spell check or such. malam tu still rasa tak sihat sampai nangis2 sebab bahagian bawah mengekuarkan produksi tanpa sebarang warning. kalau tak paham bole la whatsapp utk mengetahui cerita sebenar hehe so malam tu gi klinik doc ckp gastric. makan ubat and felt a little better than before.

so sampai sekarang still rasa tak sihat. hari tu MIL ada cakap kalau still xbik dia nak bawak jumpa ustaz mus. so last week masa i anak beranak minus Mr K berkampung kt gombak, Mr K and MIL gi la jumpa ustaz mus. apparently, ada orang gave me something to makan. dont ask me how, dont ask me when i myself couldnt remember. i am a foodie so bila org hulur kotak ke, tupperware ke, plastik yg berisi makanan mmg amik je. ye la, mana la kita nak tau ada jugak 2013 ni org yg berfikiran kolot kan, rupanya ada lagi....

if you ask me, ada suspect sapa2 x, of course la ada. ye la, beliau asal dari kampung so mmg perangai pun agak kekampungan berasa diri tu bandar. tanya ustaz dia pun xnak bagi nama. dia kata kita fikir nak baik je.

ok itu je la cerita hari ni. doakan saya sembuh dan bersih dari sebarang benda kotor n kolot ni.

sekian

i am not adopted, thank you

salam. 

 so last month (masa raya la) Mr K decided to buat makan2 for his side. so we have been busy for the past two weeks prior to the makan2 as not only kena masak but we also kena kemas rumah. 

being the only girl in the family yang tak pandai masak kami pun kena la start pikiaq apa menu yang nak buat. so we came up with the list: 1. mee goreng basah Mr K 2. thousand island pasta 3. lontong 4. nasi impit 5. trifle 6. pie 7. choc cake 8. sambal for lontong 

 on the eve of the makan2, we bake the cake, rebus nasi impit, buat trifle and siapkan bahan2 utk the rest of the menu. we slept at 4am that night even jasmin -.-' 

 the next morning i woke up around 8am, started with pie, pasta and lontong. on that same day jugak lah BIL kena report for NS kat MBPJ Stadium. and boleh la pulak FIL mintak tolong Mr K bawak him, BIL and MIL ke stadium cos apparently he doesn't know the way... so pagi to without Mr K's presence i had to cook, jaga the kids at the same time and i tell u, pagi tu la pulak dahlia xnak duduk diam, nak suruh dukung bagai hmm anak anak sabar je la ye 

 Mr K balik by 10 something, almost 11 kot. so kemas2 mana yang patut by then i managed to siapkan, choc topping utk choc cake, pie, pasta and lontong atas dapur tgh masak. once dh siap Mr K start masak mee goreng basah yang akhirnya tak basah tapi lagi sedap dari mee goreng basah dia teehee :D 

 so the invitation says after zohor and right after azan zohor habis berkumandang, 1st family showed up. so rumah pun start riuh everyone came, ate and laughed. i'd say it was a success :)but if you ask me, never will i ever invite anyone for open house again. it was a tiring affairs cos by the time the last couple left our house, we baring2 kat depan jap and woke up at 9pm! tsk, even the kids pun penat and tidur. 

 but i must say, i enjoy cooking macam ni and seronok bila orang puji masakan kita. so next nak invite my side pulak for makan2, in sya Allah :) hmm nak kena start tulis menu ni

p/s: yes, i know cerita ni dah basi and September is coming to an end :)

D.E.M.O.T.I.V.A.T.E.D

salam

i am having a terrible backpain right now. it's been going on since last week. i was at surau somewhere last week, lepas sembahyang zohor terus pump susu utk Dahlia and as i was sitting i let out a heavy sigh and told Kak Yus & Has my back was killing me and they ask me the 3 most terrifying words, 'ARE YOU PREGNANT?' *pengsan

before i found out i was pregnant with Jasmin, i was having some disargument with a colleague i was working with at that time and i happened to let out my feeling to Kak Yus and she ask me the same question back then, went home and did the test and BAM! +ve bebeh!! so when she asked me the same thing ofkos la mak jemah berasa sangat nervous.

so esoknya i olls pun bought the test kit and jeng jeng jeng it was -ve. of course there was a sense of relieved as i don't think i am quite ready for another baby so soon. but today, as i am sitting at my workdesk and typing this i still have that backpain. talked to Tini just now, she was sharing her experience with one of her kids. sometimes, bila you check dia akan keluar -ve. maybe sebab time tu masih baru so kit tak dapat detect whether you are pregnant or not. but the thing is after my confinement, i had period once which was in april and i did not have any since. so kalau kira pakai jari or kalkulator, its been 3 months since i last had my period. now if you ask me, i wasn't really paying attention to that details as i tot any mom who breastfeed her baby exclusively DOES NOT GET PREGNANT. but then again, Tini who still breastfeed her 1yo daughter (not exclusively tho) and hasn't had any period for almost two years now and get this, her due date for her 5th child is this saturday 27th. so yes, she said i should freak out and check again next week since the backpain is not planning to go away anythime soon.

so should i freak out? it's been 3 months since my last period, by now i should know kan kalau i am pregnant? betul x? and the 2nd line should be visible by now. so if you ask me, i am not freaking out cos i just don't feel pregnant. but i do feel heavier tho. maybe cos i use breastfeeding as an excuse to pig out whenever i see food *peace sign

sebenarnya, this post was meant to vent out my frustration of my work hence the name demotivated but somehow dah tersimpang jauh pulak -.-'

anyway, while we are at it, i am feeling so demotivated right now. setiap hari i force myself to wake up. i would tell myself oh i have reports to do, offer letter to issue, letters to distribute and so on. i don't know, somehow working is not as thrilling as it used to. back when i was still single, i was good at what i was doing. i know what i was doing but now i just don't feel the same passion anymore. should i blame motherhood? i want to take care of my own kids. i am yearning inside to quit my job and become a stay at home mom but lets face it, with this economy, maybe kena kerja sampai 60tahun.

i was telling zara the other day, maybe we should bukak a shop or maybe buat online shop ke. i mean, sekarang ni online shop tumbuh bak cendawan and it looks damn promising. tah la, maybe i merapu too much cos of the backpain.

ok itu je la, kbai

life is always greener on the other side

i love when others think they can have the final say when it comes to my daughters, it's like; if they didn't come out from your vajayjay, you don't get to decide for them. i appreciate the advices tho *finger gun, double click sound

28 is just a number

alhamdulillah, i am now 28. i know i know, this post is like major late but what the heck, i've been busy.
anyway, in my 28 years of life, 2013 is THE only year i received 3 birthday cakes, alhamdulillah been blessed with great family and friends :)

24/4/2013 : i went to work as usual. nothing special as everyone is busy busy with work. so the day just went by without any celebration.

25/4/2013 : came to work. after lunch saw a box in Ms Kiran's room. trust me, it doesn't take a genius to figure out what's inside it :) by 4 something everyone started singing birthday song and i pretended to be suprised. i mean, c'mon i had to put up a show somehow winks while we happily makan the cake i confessed that i saw the box earlier. in my defense, Ms Kiran put the box up on the cabinet which was like obvious for everyone to see so takkan la nak tegur time to, i had to pura2 la :) anyway, thanks bosses and colleagues for the wonderful cake. love you guys *teary eyes ahaha

26/4/2013 : it was friday and right after work i came home, siap2 and off we went to Port Dickson as saturday it was majlis bertandang for my SIL fiza. we reached PD around 10 something and FIL ajak the whole family (our family, ende's & ayah ndak's) for dinner. so we came to this floating restaurant (don't ask me where, i have no idea) and everyone settled into place. i was talking to SIL shima & cousin sister kak ija when jeng jeng jeng semua started singing birthday song and there was a cake infront of me. aku pun punya la sengal time tu, siap angkat muka pandang atas kek nak tengok nama sapa atas kek tu, dah la they olls letak kek tu terbalik and its quite dark so you can't really see. i looked at shima and asked, 'is the cake for me?' sengal, i know. but it was a pleasent and totally unexpected suprise. so, thank you everyone for the cake and the lovely suprise :) zailin sayang awak semua *ayat geli

28/4/2013 : it was sunday. packed everything and traveled back to KL. it was still early when we reached KL so we went to gombak to lepak2. malam after dinner tetiba (lagi sekali) terdengar lagu birthday berkumandang. yeay, another cake. thank you familia ku, me heart you guys mucho!!

so that is the story of Zailin and her 3 birthday cakes. again, thank you family and friends, no words can really express just how much you guys mean to me. ok, tu je, ta ta adios amigos sempres.